A Spring Thing

Today starts yet another Spring semester as an undergrad. It feels strangely familiar to be back and not in a good way. More in the way that I've done this all before and I've grown devastatingly bored of it all.

Other than that my schedule is wide open this semester. I'm taking 4 classes as opposed to the six I took in the fall. I have one class every day except Friday. What am I to do with the rest of the time? Especially considering the fact that my best friend isn't coming back this semester. I still have my 2 other roommates who I like just fine but at this very moment I'm very...alone. I had dinner with some other friends and I get the sneaking suspicion that they are not exactly what I want in my life this semester. We seriously spent an hour in the dining hall talking about black & milds? (or something) Whatever, what do I look like hanging out with them? People change.

The worst - This morning I was awakened by a text from my EX. He's as stupid as they come. I'm so glad we broke up and I'm even happier that I've cut him out of my life. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to have noticed this yet. He still texts me every now and then and even if I ignore him, it doesn't seem to phase him. Now I hadn't talked to him since the last day of fall semester and this morning he texts me to see if I want to chill with him. Have you completely lost it? I mean, seriously. But whatever, I know him. He knows I'm angry at him and i'm not talking to him but instead of talking to me about it and trying to solve it he's keeping his distance for a while until I "cool off" and then he'll try again. Well, in the past it has worked being the fact that I forgive VERY easily. I'm your average saint, really. But I'm off that now, it's a new year. I don't ever want to talk to him again but I just wish he'd take a hint already.

A New Year

About a year ago I opened this blog and just never wrote in it. I don't know why. Nor do I know what made me come back almost a year later. Either way...here I am. Ready to write something. It's a new year, which always gets me so excited, so motivated. It's essentially a fresh start to do better, be better than I was the previous year. I feel this way every time I start a new semester at school, every time I turn a year older and now that its 2011 and a whole new decade has begun, I'm ready for the new me (as cliche as that sounds).

Anyways this year is going to be all about me and God. Strengthening my faith and my walk with God. He doesn't require much of me "...But to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with God." (Micah 6:8) Whatever that means exactly. I love God's word with every fiber of my being. As an English major I guess I can really appreciate it as literature as poetry at times and I always find such wisdom in it but I'm nothing if I'm not honest and sometimes I just don't fully understand what He means. like what does it mean to love mercy. I love that God is merciful on me but is that all. And even more than that HOW do I know if I love mercy? ugh, Anyway obviously I've got lots of growing to do.

So last year was pretty unproductive. I struggled spiritually to be all that God has called me to be and it wasn't until recently that I finally started understanding that it's only by His Grace and by faith that I can do anything that is pleasing to Him. So I have officially stopped depending on myself and trying to be a saint on my own. Right, last year I reverted back like 100 steps, got my heart broken 1000 times. It was a tragedy to say the least, and not even an interesting one.

This year I want to do things the right way.

Spring 2011 Starts soon and I'm actually excited to get back on campus and out of this house. It was fun being here and relaxing for all that time but I need to get back to work and to feel useful again.